LETTER TO MY FUTURE WIFE:

It’s okay because I don’t like pretty girls! I like pignoses and pigtails. Can you grow a tail? How come you don’t have one already? Yeah, right; shit on evolution. I know you have it in you. By that I mean that the tail is still inside you. We all have a little tail inside us. That dark, primal, violent part of all man. 

I sat with some younger guitarists last night and introduced the idea of inherent evil. I can’t say we debated it, because I just mentioned the concept of meanness and if evil can be an inseparable part of oneself. It didn’t catch on.

Shit on conversation starters too. Start talking. You just need to make sure it’s something worthwhile. Stan walked into the darkroom, and as his head was barely peeking around the corner, he said, “I had a dream you died last night and I was so sad.”

Fantastic. That’s something to talk about! Dripping with latent content. Where’s Freud now? They tore him down because they knew he would unlock a higher state of being: something that would let us escape the primordial and rise into overmen. 

But we still have that tail. I can’t act like evolution is actually possible. I haven’t seen the march of time so I won’t confirm or deny that it happened. Only when time marches into my country and rapes my civilization will I know it. Even then I will only be able to name it in retrospect; looking back on the ashes and saying, “Time did this. I hate Time. My family will never trust a Time for as long as I live. Time is cruel and wicked.” And it will be true from my experience. But time heals all wounds.

What is all this bullshit? This was only ever a love letter in concept. But all of it is true. 

LISTEN & LEARN. Mahalo. 

I love you.

- Tyler